G is for Goldilocks

This is a catch up post; and this is some old art that I'm sharing.

This was a mock cover for a non existent children's book.  We were assigned a classic fairy tale; and then had to put our own spin on it.  So this is what I did.

F is for figure drawing (artistic nudes)

this post does contain artistic nudes...

This is a bit of a photo dump; but here are a few of my figure drawings over the years.  They were all drawing at different times- so the level of skill is a little all over the place; but I've liked these enough to keep them around.

E is for eye!

(For the benefit of first timers: For this years challenge I've given myself a personal improvement project of doing a 30 minute digital 'speed' paint each day.  My goal is 2 fold: to become a faster digital painter and to figure out a way to paint that doesn't look digital.  I can paint digitally; and pretty well; but it has the LOOK of a digital painting, so I'm trying to improve on that.).

here is a 30 minute 'painting' of an eye. 

I tried kind of a digital alla prima approach with this one. I think if I were to paint for longer than 30 minutes I could really make this look nice.  As it is; it looks ok.  The eye kept drifting to the 'CBS eye' look... but I tried to keep it from doing that. 

anyway.  This was fun; and I don't totally hate today's speed painting. 

I have decided that next year I'm going to paint something I'm good at for this challenge rather than do a self improvement challenge lol.  it is a little embarrassing to post these fast practice pieces.  BUT I think it is worth doing and It is forcing me to try new things; so there is that.
If I were to spend more time on it I'd fix the eye shape a bit, add some more dark tones; it is very bright right now; and refine some of the edges.  All things to keep in mind for tomorrow.

Anything you think would be a cool subject to paint tomorrow?  Leave your F suggestions in the comments.  OR if you have an idea for another letter- you can suggest those as well.

Alicia

D is for Duck, C is for Cherry

For the benefit of first timers: For this years challenge I've given myself a personal improvement project of doing a 30 minute digital 'speed' paint each day.  My goal is 2 fold: to become a faster digital painter and to figure out a way to paint that doesn't look digital.  I can paint digitally; and pretty well; but it has the LOOK of a digital painting, so I'm trying to improve on that.

Yesterday was a day where I spent the entire day working on a project for a gallery show I'll have this summer.  So today I split the difference and spent 15-20 minutes on each letter.
I painted a cherry and a duck.  And I  hate both of them.
I've been trying a more 'painterly' approach; and it is NOT working for me.  My best post in the last 4 days has easily been my first; but that is because I wasn't painting; just drawing.  I hate how the digital paintings I'm producing look like they were painted by a much less experience artist.  I have to keep reminding myself you have to start somewhere.

Anyway... here they are.

Any suggestions for E?

 so... yea...
Alicia

B is for Beacon

 I'm not thrilled with tonight's entry... I actually tried painting instead of doing a quick drawing.  I'm MUCH better at drawing then painting... and that shows... eeek.

Once again- I'm doing all of the art this month digitally; because that is what I need to improve.  I used the app Procreate on the iPad pro. 

I totally hate this one and probably won't promote it to much... guess you have to start somewhere? 

I'm trying to find a good way to paint digitally.  I can paint digitally and quite well; but it has the obvious thumbprint of being a digital drawing/painting.  Despite my attempts to attack this differently and use a variety of brushes; this one still looks very... digital. 

So this is what I came up with today... I think I need to do some more research...

Well tomorrow is the letter C! so if you have an idea throw it in the comments below; I'd be happy to draw a request.  Keep in mind these will be 30 minute speed paintings; so they will not be very polished (at least not at first)

Thanks for visiting!
Alicia

A is for...Aardvark

I had such plans for this challenge!! However life is what it is and I never was able to sit down and figure out a subject for my whole blog. 
And so; because of the fact that things are getting CRAZIER for me and not easier I'm going with a pretty simple challenge this year:
Increase my drawing/painting speed.  I figure if I'm going to do this challenge I might as well throw in some self improvement for good measure, right? :D
SO for each day- I'm just going to pick a random noun that starts with the letter of the day and do a 30 minute 'speed painting/drawing' of it. 
Today I did not spend 30 minutes, I only spent about 15 minutes on today's drawing.  I would spend more time BUT I've had another painting project that has taken priority; so this is what we get today.

If you have an idea for something for me to draw that starts with B leave it in the comments!! I look forward to visiting all of your blogs and seeing your themes in action!

Alicia Hawks

Will I ever be Good Enough?

Today I went about the process of gathering my art together so I can evaluate it and submit my portfolio for graduation.  I’ve been avoiding this project since about last September, not necessarily on purpose; but it has been on my task list every week since September 1st, and as I’ve not gotten to it- I’ve clearly been avoiding it.  I would have avoided it today except for my rather intense ab workout this morning left me feeling like crap (the good kind of crap) and easily distracted. 

After about an hour of wasting time on Youtube and Facebook I stood up and said out loud “well; If I’m not going to get anything real done, I might as well get something mindless done.”

Due to the space constraints we have in our small apartment, the fact that we have 3 kids, and the ages of the kids- I had to give up my ‘studio’ space last summer.  My son has taken it over as his bedroom, though unfortunately for him he has to share it with some of my stuff.  My daughters share a room and my studio has been shoved into my bedroom.  It works; kinda.  In this shifting around all of my art ended up in a closet in my old studio; that now has a bunch of boxes and my son’s bed up against it.  Which has added to my lethargy of getting my old art out and going through it. 

So today I moved all of the boxes and got into that little closet.  As I pulled out my art from these past years the old familiar throat tightening and panic set in, it was like experiencing the inadequacies I’ve felt so strongly in every class I’ve ever taken, only all at once.  I was not expecting to feel that way.  I was expecting to just quickly look through the stuff, pull out what I thought would meet the requirements for my portfolio and move on.  I knew going into it that many of the pieces would need to be touched up or redone.  However the wave of emotions that I experienced were awful. 

School has been hard for me.  It has been hard because I decided that I was not going to put off having a family- and that has slowed my progress down immensely.  I have a hard time not feeling embarrassed as I approach graduation.  This journey has been so very very long.  I’ve worked so hard, and put so much of myself into it.  My kids have always come first in my life; and I absolutely don’t regret the decision to put family first in my life- it has been enriching and wonderful.  I knew it would slow down school for me.  However there is a large amount of embarrassment in admitting to people around me that yea I’m still in school… I started school again when my son was 4 months old; and he’s now 9 years old.  I’ve not had full time semesters for the most part they’ve been part time. I’ve also had to take a few years off in all of this because I needed to be there for my kids.  So while logically I should be like ‘yea so; whatever, I’m finishing in a reasonable amount of time for my life.’  it is hard not to compare myself to my classmates who graduated years ago in many cases.  It is difficult not to feel completely inadequate. 

So these emotions mixed into the other feelings of artistic inadequacy.  I’d already had the question in my mind ‘will I ever be good enough?’ floating in my head as I looked through art from the last 4 years.  I’d been on facebook earlier and was flipping through some of the images that people in my program have posted.  I’m surrounded by so many amazing artists! It is inspiring.  It is also difficult to feel like I belong. 

I know that my art is worth something- I know because a perfect stranger recently commissioned and paid for a very large project.  (I’ll be able to share the images from this in April on instagram since I’ll be doing the AtoZ blogging on this) So I know that people appreciate my art.  But the question of “will I ever be good enough” is a personal one.  One that I think every artist asks themselves. 

So what is the answer?

It is simple:

Probably not.

That sounds negative but it really isn’t.  I wasn’t good enough 4 years ago, but I worked hard and I got better.  The me 4 years ago would look at the me today and be like “wow; will I ever do that?”

Yes, I would.

I look at my work and the work of people I admire and I think it is ok to stretch.  I’ll keep working hard, I’ll keep improving, and I’ll keep seeing and setting a higher ideal for myself.  And I’ll keep achieving it. 

I think it is easy to find self doubt, it is easy to feel inadequate.  I also think it is normal and there is nothing wrong with it.  I think there is a problem dwelling in it.  I believe it is ok to feel these things and even to ask “will I ever be good enough?” as long as we use these feelings as a stepping stone, so we can look out into our own future and set goals and then work to achieve them. 

So really the answer is: Yes I will; but I’ll always want to be better.

~Alicia